but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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