you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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