sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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