Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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