I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize