dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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