why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize