you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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