no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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