I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize