i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize