I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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