Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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