Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize