Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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