I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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