I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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