He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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