Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Text me some of your sweat
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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