you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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