I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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