Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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