By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize