but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize