think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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