My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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