His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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