shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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