Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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