like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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