Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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