I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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