Sry I called you an 8
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
