she looked like the before picture.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize