"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
false alarm, still single
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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