K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
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You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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