Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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