Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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