I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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