Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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