No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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