cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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