I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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