guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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