new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize