So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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