People in love make me want to vomit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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