Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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