i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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