I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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