My Higher Power is John Stamos
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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